[By the time people have started growing tubes and eating things- monsters, people...everything really- Reira's attempt to hold optimism close to the chest feels like a futile effort. She's tried, really. She's tried to just be happy, and get through it, like everyone's congratulated her for. She's tried.
But it's hard, and nightmares haven't quite stopped, and she still flinches occasionally when she looks at her reflection with bad enough bed-head to match those terrible images from the nightmare world.
Playing games with others- or even with Elias- normally helps to distract her from that, just like homework does, just like planning things does.
But then that post on the network happens, and she explodes, and this time when Reira tries to sit and just lose her mind in a game she can't.]
I know it wasn't me in that place, [She eventually whispers quietly to her Friend, her 'brother in spirit' as she so gladly thinks of.] ...Just like it wasn't you, and just like everyone wasn't 'themselves'. They were all fakes, to try and scare me away. I know that...
[Her voice wavers.] ....But I keep thinking about what 'I' was, to that place... ...and then that person says things...
...It's wrong to want to hurt someone. ...But he hurt you so much...he hurt me...and then he goes out there...lying, and blaming...!
[She breathes. She breathes and she shakes, and slowly the girl closes her eyes.]
...I don't think I can be 'like this' anymore. ...But I want to do something, to make him stop. At least for a while.
...
...Elias..? [She quietly asks.]
...If I do something... ...If I make him hurt, for both of us....is that okay?
[Ah...no.] ...mnh. ...no...it would never be 'okay', but... ...If it's 'necessary', [she instead says, because sometimes things that are Wrong become necessary, as long as they aren't lying.]
...If it's necessary, I can do it...but I don't want to be 'that' forever. I don't want to become an 'executioner', like in that place.
If I have to do something like that... ...can you help me become something else again? ...Something far away from Her.
[[OOC - this ties in to a question I asked a while ago, with the idea of Elias contributing to a Mana Reward for a Monster swap! By the end of this month, Reira will have enough to put in for that reward, so the timing is now perfect! And as a bonus it also ties into targeting Aunamee, one of the Fog's priests....]]
IT'S TIME TO PLAN AUNAMEE'S TORTURE APPARENTLY
But it's hard, and nightmares haven't quite stopped, and she still flinches occasionally when she looks at her reflection with bad enough bed-head to match those terrible images from the nightmare world.
Playing games with others- or even with Elias- normally helps to distract her from that, just like homework does, just like planning things does.
But then that post on the network happens, and she explodes, and this time when Reira tries to sit and just lose her mind in a game she can't.]
I know it wasn't me in that place, [She eventually whispers quietly to her Friend, her 'brother in spirit' as she so gladly thinks of.] ...Just like it wasn't you, and just like everyone wasn't 'themselves'. They were all fakes, to try and scare me away. I know that...
[Her voice wavers.] ....But I keep thinking about what 'I' was, to that place... ...and then that person says things...
...It's wrong to want to hurt someone. ...But he hurt you so much...he hurt me...and then he goes out there...lying, and blaming...!
[She breathes. She breathes and she shakes, and slowly the girl closes her eyes.]
...I don't think I can be 'like this' anymore. ...But I want to do something, to make him stop. At least for a while.
...
...Elias..? [She quietly asks.]
...If I do something... ...If I make him hurt, for both of us....is that okay?
[Ah...no.] ...mnh. ...no...it would never be 'okay', but... ...If it's 'necessary', [she instead says, because sometimes things that are Wrong become necessary, as long as they aren't lying.]
...If it's necessary, I can do it...but I don't want to be 'that' forever. I don't want to become an 'executioner', like in that place.
If I have to do something like that... ...can you help me become something else again? ...Something far away from Her.
[[OOC - this ties in to a question I asked a while ago, with the idea of Elias contributing to a Mana Reward for a Monster swap! By the end of this month, Reira will have enough to put in for that reward, so the timing is now perfect! And as a bonus it also ties into targeting Aunamee, one of the Fog's priests....]]