peccatore: (and I've had recurring nightmares)
Marco Evangelisti ([personal profile] peccatore) wrote in [personal profile] fourthmade 2022-10-25 09:38 pm (UTC)

October 20ish - cw: racing thoughts, delusions, just overall unhealthy coping

[As soon as Marco is back in Ryslig, though still shaken and dazed, he can feel it: his mental connection to RSDOS has been restored. And that means...

Now. Here and now. He can't even bring himself to visit Elias in his room as he usually does, and the guilt of it alone--]




[... That... didn't go so well. He needs to try again.

(It takes him a couple more tries until he can get his thoughts in check.)]


A lot has been happening.
I'm sorry I just ran away and hid the entire time. I didn't know what to do.
I know that's no excuse. I understand if you're disappointed.

But

But that ISN'T you, is it? E+L, they aren't you.
That... war, that isn't what you wanted
Right?
I know I may be too passive. I know I don't have the resolve that people like Beat have, because I'm so worried about going too far
But what E+L were doing wasn't right, and
You know that, right?
Did you know they were sending war prisoners to the Arcade?

Did you know any of this was going to happen?

Please don't say Fiddleford is changing me. I couldn't take that right now
And if you do think so then maybe you're right and I shouldn't be here anymore not that I'm even in the arcade right now
Elias...

Be honest with me. No matter what that entails.
Even if it means I'm lost actually
I just want to hear it. I want to hear something real.

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