[It's been a little while since Shun last turned to the Fourth, since he prayed or tried to hear his whisper, for all that he has done his best to help, for all that he had secured the area around the Obelisk for Loki. Taking it out… he thinks it was stupid to do, stupid and uncoordinated and pointless… but that's not why he's here tonight, it's not why he's come to Laurel's burial mark, why he's gripping tightly to his larkspur pendant as he starts to talk.
There is a slight hitch in his voice, a mark of hesitation in his usually so confident and clipped tone – it isn't easy to confess what he has to say aloud. It isn't easy to admit that…]
It's my fault. Even if I didn't kill them, the death of our comrades is my fault.
[He shifts his hands, pressing them and the pendant against his forehead as he kneels, eyes closed tightly.]
I thought if I went to Standard, if I got my hands on Akaba Reiji… maybe I could trade him for Ruri. I chose Ruri over them.
[He shakes his head sharply, breath shaky with distress.]
It was either to abandon Ruri or to leave Heartland and I couldn't; I can't– She's my sister! I have to rescue her; no matter what it takes!
[But in the end that's the crux of it, the fact that he's willing to do near everything, anything to rescue Ruri… that's what's gotten him here too, what had driven him into the Lancers first, and then towards the Fourth. Without wanting to, without realizing he had sacrificed so much, too much maybe… and that's why…]
It's not an excuse. If I had stayed for a little longer… if I had talked to Yuto maybe instead of just taking off…
[If he had talked to Yuto, maybe the other would have stayed behind and defended their comrades. Maybe he wouldn't be dead – or for whatever the hell being absorbed into Yuya counts. Maybe their comrades of Spade district would still be alive.]
It's my fault… I have to live with that. I know that.
[It doesn't help. It doesn't make anything better. The regret, the guilt… it doesn't go away even though he says it out loud and it's utterly aggravating, especially after what Yuya told him, after finding out that–]
Yuya says that– [His voice cracks at that, it's so hard to believe.] –that there's a chance to return them to life.
[That people that were turned into a card aren't truly dead after all, not like they believed – and yet that seems so impossible, almost even more impossible than all of Academia present within Heartland turning their back on the Professor because of Yuya.]
backdated to memorial event
There is a slight hitch in his voice, a mark of hesitation in his usually so confident and clipped tone – it isn't easy to confess what he has to say aloud. It isn't easy to admit that…]
It's my fault. Even if I didn't kill them, the death of our comrades is my fault.
[He shifts his hands, pressing them and the pendant against his forehead as he kneels, eyes closed tightly.]
I thought if I went to Standard, if I got my hands on Akaba Reiji… maybe I could trade him for Ruri. I chose Ruri over them.
[He shakes his head sharply, breath shaky with distress.]
It was either to abandon Ruri or to leave Heartland and I couldn't; I can't– She's my sister! I have to rescue her; no matter what it takes!
[But in the end that's the crux of it, the fact that he's willing to do near everything, anything to rescue Ruri… that's what's gotten him here too, what had driven him into the Lancers first, and then towards the Fourth. Without wanting to, without realizing he had sacrificed so much, too much maybe… and that's why…]
It's not an excuse. If I had stayed for a little longer… if I had talked to Yuto maybe instead of just taking off…
[If he had talked to Yuto, maybe the other would have stayed behind and defended their comrades. Maybe he wouldn't be dead – or for whatever the hell being absorbed into Yuya counts. Maybe their comrades of Spade district would still be alive.]
It's my fault… I have to live with that. I know that.
[It doesn't help. It doesn't make anything better. The regret, the guilt… it doesn't go away even though he says it out loud and it's utterly aggravating, especially after what Yuya told him, after finding out that–]
Yuya says that– [His voice cracks at that, it's so hard to believe.] –that there's a chance to return them to life.
[That people that were turned into a card aren't truly dead after all, not like they believed – and yet that seems so impossible, almost even more impossible than all of Academia present within Heartland turning their back on the Professor because of Yuya.]
…I don't know what to believe in anymore.
[He truly doesn't.]